Posts from the ‘Death’ Category

Put your trust in the Creator

Put your trust in the Creator

My spirituality is not as strong as I thought. I learned this at the Grand Canyon’s West Rim today. I know it’s true because my youngest told me I don’t trust her climbing on the Rocks close to the edge.

I do trust her but not my thoughts of something happening to her and God, her Universal Father letting something happen. As her earthly Father I refuse to watch something happen that could kill her.

If she fell my wife said she would have a heart attack. I would have jumped after her. So that leaves Alyssa by her self so how stupid is that, on my part. But this little girl holds a part of my heart.

The moment put me in the mode of something happening while there and emotionally I could not handle it.

The lesson for me is I have to let my kids go on a Spiritual level. Trust they are guided and will be taken care of, always.

I just keep thinking of the bible, “I see the wood, I see the knife, what will be the sacrafice”. Is what I keep asking myself. I told my God that I am not there yet, I could not do what Mohamad did, and be ready to kill his own child.

We left the park as we came, together but I was changed by the experience. Changed because I now know I have a lot of work to do. It’s no different than Alyssa cutting Trucks off, not driving in the center of her lane. The thing about her is she is older and she listens me on these safty levels.

Ths is a choppy post from my phone but I wanted to share how the Grand Canyon pushed me forward in my Spirituality.

“What you won’t do for yourself, you’ll do for your kids”

OBMO

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Happy Birthday

This is a re-post:

 
Today is my Birthday and I have graduated from it being about me and my birthday to being about my kids birthday’s. Yes mine is the 11th of June my oldest is the 18th and my youngest is the 21st.

This was one of many lessons that I have learned after Nate Walker’s passing. I do not truly know the lesson 100% but I can tell you this. It means more to me for them to have great memory’s about the day they blessed me. This blessing will be forever so I think the honor in that is what is so special.

I will never forget when I would rush to go wish him a happy birthday June 1st every year because I knew mine was only 10 day’s away. He is the most special man I have every know, well until my mom married my Dad.

My Grandpa Nate (Pops) shares no blood relation with me, but you could not tell him or I that because of how we feel about each other. This part is so important to me because my blood grandpa Charles Logan Sr. was Nate’s best friend during childhood. I remember doing everything with Nate even more so then his own true blood son’s little Nate. It is a very special relationship to me because I lacked a true role model in my life. So GOD blessed me with his wisdom for such a short time. See he died 11/11/97 at 10:10am at the young age of 66 as a Veteran passing on Veterans Day. I was and I am still crushed by this loss because I don’t have this kind of relationship with anyone. The closest is my dad (Donnie), see to love someone like they are your own flesh and blood is the best love you can share with someone when they are not your true flesh and blood. That is how he got the name Pops because he is the closest to Pops I have every seen.

Back to the Birthday stuff. I would wish Pops Happy Birthday and he would say thanks or knowing him he would say nothing. He would reach in to his big wallet and give me money for my birthday. I would say “Pops this is your birthday” he would always reply with “you better come over here and get this while I got it” so I would of course go to get my gift from him. I say him because after giving to me this money he would always say “now you better get over to see your grandma and get what she has for you”. It always touched me that he thought of me on his birthday. I never understood why until I had 2 birthday’s that mean more then mine.

Still to this day my Wife wants to make a big deal out of my Birthday and I am like whatever because I would prefer the kids have the special Birthday. Now this does not mean I don’t appreciate party’s or gifts because I do and look forward to them, I just I just don’t expect them.

Happy Birthday to me but most of all to my Girls Alyssa (AD) and Lilli (Lil)

I will Miss You when your GONE

“Daddy I will miss you when you die” is what Lil’s told me one day this week.

The inevitable will happen to us all. It took me a week to fully understand my feeling about this. Reason is because I remember asking my Grandma “What do you want me to do when you die”. I will never forget her response because I was very young and expected her to say something to the effect of go and beat someone up or break something or just cause harm to everyone and be mad. Well if you know her you know she is nothing like that as a person. What she told me has helped me understand greatly about death.

Ya I said it DEATH don’t be scared it will happen to you just keep living. See what she told me is “keep living and keep doing as if I was still here”. That has touched me on so many levels because I love my Grandma to death, the only one that is even close at that time of my life is my own mother, this takes nothing from my mom at all she is a very special person to me more to come on that. Now I have my own family so that love is shared with them as well but you get the point.

I am not sure how Lil and I got on this subject but I responded with I will always be here for you, not in the physical but always with you when you need me. This was of great impact to me because we all want someone to love us and miss us after we are gone. It is something we live for, I hope without expectations because most people run from expectations that others put on us. My question is why not love and appreciate them while they are here?

I am not scared of death at all, on some levels I am ready to die. Not suicide ready, but ready in the sense that I can’t control it or change it. I am living in the NOW trying to enjoy the beauty in it. Living in the now is to enjoy nature and everything else around you. What I can do is live life because that is what matters most, the “-” (Dash)

I have been robbed at gun point, blood sugars of 970 when I found out I was a diabetic, Typically you are in a coma at 500. I have been in a head on collision that I walked away from and actual ran after the drunk driver that hit me because he was running away. What I learned from that is “Gods Plan Supersedes Mine” Thanks unc for that one. I could have been taken out at any point by any of these. But Gods plan is greater then I can even imagine and that I believe is why I did not die in these examples.

Life is for living, loving and learning but we as a people are to consumed with the light, cable, water or mortgage payment that we spend most of our time away from what we are fighting for (Family). I know this is true for my life and would imagine most are.

I tell you this because sooner or later it will catch you as well, so STOP running. That does not mean go be stupid and do stupid things because you will die! I have found that “What you run from you run into” or “What you resist the most, you need the most”.

My family is young and and we have not yet experienced much death at all, but what we have had has been very hard. The first one for me was my Grandpa then my Aunt the oldest child of the family. These have been hard for the whole family and if not they are running. My Grandma is still here fighting to live and still providing learning opportunities for us all, we are just not getting the messages so she will keep teaching I am sure. Thanks unc for everything you do in support for mom!

Thanks Lil’s for inspiring this on Fathers Day

OBMO